I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
