come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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