Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
