peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
