she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
