I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Life is so much better after having sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
