my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
