This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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