how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
