I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
