I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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