You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
