but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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