About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
