the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
