I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
