Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
