Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
