I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
