I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
