omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Houston, we have a blender
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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