All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
