I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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