got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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