Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
