Screwed.edu
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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