Don't you send me to vm
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
