after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this just has baby written all over it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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