You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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