bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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