you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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