Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
