getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
