i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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