i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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