Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
