If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
