My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
