I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
