Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
