I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
