Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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