Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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