Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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