This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
