Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
