sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
