tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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