Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the day after is always just damage control
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
