I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
